Tuesday April 9, 2019
Many of us were brought up with the mentality that we had to bury our emotions and not show them to outsiders because this was a sign of weakness. However, recent research has shown that doing this, especially when it comes to raising our children, can have a detrimental effect on those around us.
Part of this conclusion comes from research on emotional intelligence (EQ), a term that is defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”
Let’s look at how this relates to your particular parenting style.
When it comes to emotional styles of parenting, there are two types of parents. The Emotion Dismissing Style is the group of parents that want to be stoic in everything. They don’t want to become emotional and often see it as a sign of weakness in themselves or others. As a result, they teach their children that they should behave this way.
The other side is the Emotion Coaching Style. They accept their emotions and teach themselves how to deal with them. This doesn’t equate to an overly emotional person who just rants and raves out of control. An Emotion Coach learns how to properly express all emotions and passes this on to their children.
This research has shown a dramatic split between children raised under these two styles.
Take two children, for instance, raised by different style parents with similar cognitive development. At age 4, both children have their parents go through a divorce. The Emotion Coaching parents are able to help their children deal with their emotions and the child’s cognitive development continues at its normal growth without any stagnation.
However, the Emotion Dismissing parents teach their child to bottle up their emotions and this leads to a child who has to deal alone with the trauma of divorce. By age 8, this child will be significantly behind his counterpart when it comes to academics.
Emotion Coaching and Emotional Intelligence are two important concepts that parents need to deal with in order to help raise emotionally responsible and well-adjusted children. If you teach your child to handle and deal with his or her emotions, you are setting them up for success later on.